Broken
by LoveWithoutLimits
Summary: Cause I'm broken when I'm open and I don't feel like I am strong enough". The end of the world, for all the time John has spent imagining it, isn't what he expected. Song fic inspire by Seether's Broken.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing from the show, characters etc etc...**

**Warnings: Sort of implied slash, very subtle and i guess you could choose not to see it but i wouldnt suggest reading if you really really hate slash. Oh and its John/Derek slash. Has mention of a character death as well. **

**A/N : Never done a songfic before, not too sure on this but will post it up anyway. I'd be happy to get advice on writing songfics of anyone has any advice :)**

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Through John's entire life he has really ever known the world that his mother had given him. He hasn't known much outside of it, nothing except the rules and messages that she has drilled into him since he can remember. So when Derek appears it is like a breath of air. Something in him stirs that he can't quite name and it makes him feel, it just makes him feel.

**I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away**

John can't possibly start to think that he knows what Derek has gone through. Even his most vivid and imaginative dreams can only scratch the surface. He knows that the world Derek belongs to it is one that he doesn't ever want to belong to, but knows if they don't stop this, its his fate to have to. It amazes John that through the bloodshed, the loss, the pain and the despair, that Derek can still laugh. Can still smile it that way that can make Johns heart melt in his chest. John wished he could take the memories of the future away for just one day, so that Derek can always look that free, that happy.

**  
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain  
**

Whenever John closes his eyes he can see it, clearly as if he is standing there for real. The end of the world, judgement day. He can feel the heat and the burning, smell the peel of flesh and ash. Terror runs through his body like blood and there is no way to scrub it out. John used to wake shaking from these dreams, nightmares, images burned into the back of his eyes. Until Derek. John thinks he should write his subconscious a thank you note. The buildings burn and the people scream in pain, but all John can see is the smile and that face. Etched into the scene like the most perfect photograph. Everything around John seems to fade away as he concentrates on that photograph and John wakes, smiling when he see's the real life of that photo waiting for him.

**  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough**

Sometimes John feels even more like he is a failure and he really can't understand why everyone expects so much from him. He can't see how they can see a leader in him when he can barely see a fighter in himself. John knows there is so much that he is supposed to be able to do and that they are all looking at him, watching him to see when it will happen. He knows what they want of him but sometimes, late at night, he cries, because he knows he can't. He has never been his mother and he can't, he can't be what they want him to be.

**  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
**

Some nights Derek isn't there and John doesn't know where he goes. He doesn't ask, because everyone has his secrets, he sure carries his own. It's there nights that John hates the most. When Derek isn't there to drive the nightmares away. There is no escape, awake or asleep. The Terminators are always there, around him, watching him. The loneliness is so consuming that John feels like he could fall into it.

**  
The worst is over now and we can breathe again  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away**

The end of the world doesn't come as John expects and he doesn't know whether to be glad or disappointed by it. His mother is gone now, for months and he cant cry for her anymore. They ran without words to the nearest shelter they knew of, their feet seeming to work on autopilot. They watch as the bombs fall and the cities burn beneath them. It takes hours but when it stop John breathes, because as much as he hates it, he knows now this is the moment he has been waiting for since he was born. With the breath comes tears and Derek's arms are around him, letting the last of his childhood be cried out. When this over John knows he has to step up, but for now, he can let himself have this.

**  
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain  
**

Nothing his mother taught him could ever prepare John for what he is facing. Nothing Derek ever told him could prepare him for what he is seeing. Here, at the brink of the end of mankind, John is still learning. The numbers are few and barely anyone to help them, but they fight anyway, because fighting distracts you. Survival is the key and the sounds of machines walking, the ground shaking and touches at the dead of night, is the only way to keep the pain away. Even for the short while it lasts.

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**Review please? Would make me happy :D**


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